Christmas - Irreverent, Reverent, Relevant

This Christmas was a mixed bag for me. I celebrated within the physical limitations and mental anguish of having a rare neurological illness, somehow looking 'normal' to most folks. Humor is an irreverent way I cope.



On a tombstone: - "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
(My Stiff Person Syndrome version.)



I love Christmas carols, the beauty of the Christmas tree, childish magic, once-a-year goodies, and the secretive excitement of anticiptation. Christmas is reverent to my soul for it is when the world celebrates the birth of my Savior, Jesus Christ.


"Good news from heaven the angels bring. Glad tidings to the earth they sing. To us this day a child is given, to crown us with the joy of heaven." ~Martin Luther~

THE EMPTY BOX
(Based on a true story.)


The relevance of Christmas is giving. Time and love are two of the most precious things in life to give and to receive, not just at Christmas but all year long. It's not about having time but making time for those you love.


"Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas." ~Peg Bracken~





I hope you had a blessed Christmas, filled with laughter, God's grace, and time with those you love.

Copyright © 2009

My Colonoscopy - (Procedure) Part 2

"All's well that ends well." ~Unknown~

Several people prepped me for my colonoscopy with tales, (interesting pun), of orbit-blasting day before colon cleansing as being the worst part of the 'procedure.' (Procedure emphasized with an ominous hush.)

The day before my 'procedure', I stopped at the store for my intestinal purge supplies while selecting from a severely limited list of food choices from the clear diet menu. I decided against the beef bouillon jello, jiggles as it moos.

Looking for the listed powdered laxative to mix in a Gatorade cocktail for my evening date with the bathroom, a female customer nabbed one of the two shelved bottles I needed. In a parody of a Black Friday sale, I grabbed the remaining bottle and consulted pharmacy...again. He had my second bottle behind the counter.

Getting my mojo going (?!?), I bought some magazines at the checkout, keeping the bathroom library current. I was prepared to prepare...grazing on Jello as I watched the clock for the appointed time to drink and be merry, sans eat.

I waited, and I waited. Finally the purge began to work, but it was not with the blasting urgency described by my talebearers. Toilet occupancy wasn't wasted time. I read. I learned how to make a decorative snowman from packing peanuts. I kept gravitating to the Christmas recipes, appetizing yummies decadently portrayed in the magazines I had bought...torture when you are food-deprived.

Fasting was the most difficult part of the preparation for me. I was informed I could not consider it a religious fast even though I was praying for safety and positive results.

I arrive at the clinic, purged and starved. The receptionist asked me, in the now familiar hushed tone, if I was there for my 'procedure.'" Endosocopy and gastroenterology are visibly displayed outside and inside the clinic. What am I missing? Obviously I am not here for teeth cleaning.

Entering the waiting room, I am handed papers at another window with the same whispered seriousness, "for your 'procedure.'" Joking with the medical assistant about the espionage approach with the term 'procedure,' she explains some people are sensitive to privacy. I'm thinking, "Colonoscopy, privacy, sensitivity...better get over it, fast."

An airport-type arrival/departure ticker displays the ten 'procedural' physicians and if they are on time or delayed. My doctor is on a 30-minute delay pushing back my anticipated meal. The waiting room filled with the privacy sensitive have the same check-in paper work as I do. Secret's out.

My flight has arrived as my name is finally called. The 'procedure' holding area is filled with men and women laying on gurneys in tiny cubicles wearing hospital gowns (obvious slit in back), the one ultra-thin issued white blanket, connected to IV poles. Can we say colonoscopy yet?

Dressed down and hooked up, I am wheeled to the 'procedure' room, given something in my IV much better than the laxative laced Gatorade the night before...and I am awakened a few minutes later...

As I am perimenopausal, diabetic, and have a rare disorder, my medical test results rate me as remedial patient. I was ecstatic to have aced my colonoscopy...a 'normal' healthy colon with a 4.0! I am not scheduled for another one for 10 years. I just have to live that long.

Good news called for a celebration at Cracker Barrel's, a feast of chicken and dumplings, with three sides.

On a serious note: Having a rare disorder, Stiff Person Syndrome and diabetes, my social calendar involves dinner after appointments. It is hard to work in routine screenings, but important. SPS can make routine screenings a challenge.

The challenge for my colonoscopy was the sedation because of me having SPS and the medications used to treat it. I emailed information to my doctor prior. My doctor, anesthesiologist, and I discussed how SPS specifically affects me and made some strategic 'just in case' plans. Thankfully, everything went very well.

I did not dread having a colonoscopy. I dreaded the possible result...colon cancer. Colonoscopies have evolved, in my opinion, into not that big of a deal. My peace of mind was worth it.

Now, I will have to explore the Freudian aspect of why I ate at a 'Cracker' Barrel after a colonoscopy? ...I mean...procedure.



Copyright © 2009

Colonoscopy - My Year's End, uh rear-end?

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
~Will Rogers~

I found the featured t-shirt slogan online at Cafe Press. How to decide between bright yellow or a soft pink t-shirt with the slogan, "I love colonoscopies." Neither is on my Christmas wish list. It is a gift idea for that relative or ex who is a pain in the wazoo.

Having one of my periodic checkups with my GP in September, he wrote a script for a colonoscopy. I hadn't made the appointment as of Thanksgiving. They found me. I am trying to decide if locating me is due to their professional abilities as anal PIs or a desire to schedule me before the end of the year to slide under my insurance deductible. (With multiple diagnoses, I usually meet my deductible by January 2nd.)

After a consult, I will be directally scheduled. I am familiar with the slang "Hershey Highway," but Butterfinger comes to my mind along with Hitchcock's 1954 thriller Rear Window.

From listening to the experienced wisdom of friends, the worst part is the day before prep: a diet of clear liquids with a turbo colon cleansing. The challenge is to get the foul nuclear blast laxative past your gag reflex and beat Olympic track records to the toilet when the kick butt action begins. (I am wondering if it will work on drain clogs?)

The 'to do' list on this shirt is personally fitting, having three of the four "procedures," (the professional term for lack of dignity, invasion of privacy (?!!), and expensive.) in the final quarter of this year.

This is one doctor appointment I will not need to shave my legs. I hope I have a good report for the end of my saga.

Copyright © 2009

A humorous read on having a colonoscopy:
Dave Barry: A journey into my colon -- and yours

High School Basketball & Backyard Moles

Some of life's most important lessons come from unexpected experiences. I learned some valuable insights from high school basketball and backyard moles.

My high school sponsored a girl’s basketball team, the Eagles. I played forward. An inspirational mentor, our coach was a former women’s center for Kentucky University. She wasn’t concerned about winning or scores. She wanted us to learn basketball fundamentals, play as a team, reach our own personal potential, and have fun. Our team loved her and loved to play.

Other teams did not have the privilege to be coached by someone with the ethics and priorities of our coach. We played the Bulldogs. This team of girls was vicious, confrontational, and aggressive in a non-sportsmanship way. Cursing, deliberate fouling, and a mean spirit emanated from them. Bloodied scratches ran down my arm from a deliberate foul. The Bulldogs did not play by the rules, exhibited blatant defiance for the officials calling foul, and made the entire game an unpleasant ordeal to just finish.

*****

Upset, my dad entered the house yelling, “We’ve got a mole! He is destroying the yard!” In a relatively short period of time, this tiny blind creature had burrowed many underground tunnels, undermining the foundation of our backyard. Thinking I had a solid foothold; my foot would collapse with the undetected underground damage. Stumbling and tripping, I would lose balance. Working secretively, the unseen mole destroyed solid ground.

I learned some valuable insights from high school basketball and backyard moles.

1) Respect for rules.
2) When part of a group, play as a team.
3) Reach my personal potential.
4) Have fun.
5) Destruction can be swift from small hidden sources.
6) Underground can be underhanded.
7) When tripped, learn how to land.
8) Stand on solid ground.

“Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.”
~Thomas Carlyle~

Copyright © 2009

Recovering Support Group Addict

"The Internet is so big, so powerful and so pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life."
~Andrew Brown~

December, 1999. Our first computer. I could hear an angelic choir rejoice as the PC tower emerged from the Gateway box. Disabled with a rare neurological disorder, Internet Explorer became my Starship Enterprise. With warp speed, my keyboard transported me out of disability's isolation into an uncharted universe of the living.

Hovering in cyberspace was a small support community of individuals also diagnosed with SPS. Bonding with this obscure SPS colony, I shared experiences, laughter, tears, and encouragement with others.

As the years passed, Internet Explorer navigated several others to our close-knit group. The majority fit right in, expanding our community with further experiences, understanding, and friendship. Then the 'Cling-Ons' started to infiltrate...self-absorbed, angry, victimized, needy attention-seekers. Their forum volume of continual problem finding, with dismissal of solutions, darkened our once uplifting support group under a cloud of self-pitying rants of negativity.

Negativity created a quagmire of group depression and dissension. Struggling through the mucky rancor, I felt their negativity begin to ooze through my thoughts. For my emotional well-being, I took a hiatus from the group.

It was a jolt to realize how much I had limited myself through extensive support group interaction, my only social outlet. Addicted to daily logging in, I allowed the group's drama to consume my thoughts. I felt a personal responsibility to lift those drowning in the ooze of their own inflicted misery. I had stopped growing, stopped living.

During my leave, I dusted off my waylaid goals, finding unexpected success in some completed pursuits. Venturing out 'in spite of' my physical limitations, I rediscovered a social life, making friends and enjoying activities.

I rediscovered my original purpose for participating in a support group...to share relevant disability issues in a mutual outreach of friendship and hope. Back to a basic coping tool...balance. I log on once a day to read and respond. I do not own responsibility for those who choose to wallow in the muck of defeat, despair, or gloom at the expense of others or me. Encourage, not commiserate, is my support group motto.

My name is Debbie and I am a recovering support group addict.

"Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexations to the spirit..."
~Desiderata~



Copyright © 2009

Good Morning Vietnam!

"Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch."
~David A.Schmaltz~

"Good Morning Vietnam!" Opening my eyes, I greet myself with the same irreverent enthusiasm of Robin William's DJ role in a controversial war zone. Living with disability is waking every day to a personal war...my life under siege by a relentless neurological disorder.

Through various avenues, I communicate with others with my diagnosis of Stiff Person Syndrome. Shuffling to the computer, I mentally inventory my physical status for the day as I read from others. As I read, I envision a medevac helicopter bringing in the wounded, me or my comrades? The MASH theme song, Suicide Is Painless appropriately plays in my imagination.

Though feared, death is easy. Living is hard. Finding my own purpose, joy, happiness, fulfillment, and strength for the day, I work on having reserves to share with another...irreverent DJ humor to give a smile...a word of hope?

I envision a Vietnam Marine, dusty, scared, searching, homesick. Crouched in the dirt, this weary young soldier chews on a pencil eraser as he struggles to fill the glare of blank white paper with an uplifting letter for those he loves.

Nostalgia for my 'pre' diagnostic days fills me with longing as I search for life's meaning in the chaos of my disability. Staring at my monitor, I struggle for truthful words to inspire those I care about. Life is hard, but still worth living.

"As long as you live, keep learning how to live." ~Seneca~

Copyright © 2009

Have You Heard of Stiff-person Syndrome?
It's so rare it strikes fewer than one person in a million. Its sufferers find themselves bent in strange, painful postures. Read how it's diagnosed and treated.
Read More

The Bee-Attitudes

“Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know it so it goes on flying anyway.”

People are still people, disabled or not. In contemplating various outlooks on life, I named them the bee-attitudes.

May-bee. A noncommittal buzz lacking passion, dependability, or predictability. The may-bee flies aimlessly at whim without a sense of direction or purpose.

Wanna-bee. An envious stinger filled with grandiose illusions and lack of conviction. The wanna-bee is lost within the ambitions of self-centered pride.

From Romper Room:

Don't-bee. Making deliberate destructive choices or doing nothing...indifference.

Do-bee. Worker mindset. Creative, busy, active, exploring.

I learned about succeeding in life as a preschooler from Romper Room - "Bend and stretch, reach for the sky"...as a Do Bee.

Attitude is sometimes a struggle for me. I have my off days of may-bee, wanna-bee, and don't-bee. Flying with a bumblebee do-bee attitude, I want to reach for the sky.

Ironically, the meaning of my name, Debbie, is bee.

Copyright © 2009

Halloween Is A Way Of Life

"A keen sense of humor helps us to overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerate the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected, and outlast the unbearable."
~Billy Graham~

Becoming disabled is starring in my own personal "A Nightmare On Elm Street," except there is not even a waking reprieve. My Freddy Krueger is my diagnosis - Stiff Person Syndrome.

Stiff Person Syndrome, SPS, is a bizarre neurological disorder, rivaling Freddy's antics with syndrome symptoms. My syndrome possessed body will twist, writhe, spasm, or fall at the slightest 'trigger' whim.

Humor is a vital coping mechanism for me. I love Halloween, providing fertile, unhallowed ground for my irreverent gallows humor.

From my website:

Halloween Greeting 2009

You'll find me at the IV pole dance contest, cheered on by Harvey Wallbanger!

Copyright © 2009

Pollyanna and the Grinch

"Oh, yes, the game was to just find something about everything to be glad about -- not matter what twas," rejoined Pollyanna earnestly. "And we began right then -- on the crutches.""





The Grinch: "Those Whos are hard to frazzle, Max. But, we did our worst, and that's all that matters."



Hayley Mills as Pollyanna - the rainbows and sunshine little girl who rambled optimism, ad nauseum, to everyone until the glad game became a test with her crippling fall from a tree.

Jim Carrey breathed life into Dr. Seuss's animated Grinch; the bitter loner who looked down on the happiness of others with loathing. Within the beating confines of his small heart, he plotted enforcing his misery on others.

I am disabled with a neurological disorder. Maintaining a sunny attitude of hope and optimism brighten disability's gloom for me. I also have my occasional cloudy days, feeling alone, envious, and tears will fall. Pollyanna and the Grinch are personified emotions, conflicting attitudes in my mind.

I encounter flesh and blood Pollyannas and Grinches. Pollyannas in overdrive. Strewing imaginary rose petals in their wake, saccharin words drip with artificial cheer as they sanctimoniously play the 'glad game' with me from the clueless vantage of not living my disabled reality.

Oh the Grinches. I meet many in the disabled community. Bitterness shrinks their hearts so there is only room for misery. Spread their misery. Disable the happiness of others through blame, negativity, and self-pity.

Pollyanna's glad game, "And we began right then -- on the crutches." On the crutches, my Stiff Person Syndrome diagnosis. Glad isn't a game for me, but a daily attitude choice within the reality of my disability...see life's blessings and be happy.

I have my occasional Grinch moments, but like the Whos, I try to be "hard to frazzle." In spite of disability, I will not allow Grinch mindset steal my happiness in living. I do my best and that is all that matters.

Copyright © 2009

7 Secrets to Happiness When You Live with Illness

7 Secrets to Happiness When You Live with Illness

Gator & Boy in Wheelchair

I love Tim Tebow, the University of Florida's quarterback, not because I am a football fan, but because of what he stands for. A young man with deep spiritual convictions, Tim lives what he believes. Athletically gifted, he is a hero to college football enthusiasts...especially to Boomer, a seven-year-old boy with cerebral palsy. The following story touched my heart.

Huge Gator fan gets experience of a lifetime as he meets his hero

"True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost." ~Arthur Ashe~

I think I have just become a Gator fan. Boomer's story recruited me.

Apocalypse - Ice Cream

"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
~Don Kardong~

I was a child during the 60's. Television images imprinted my young mind with Walter Cronkite's nightly narratives. Political dissension, assassinations, racial riots, and the violent war images from a geographically-obscure Viet Nam. My childhood fascination was for the hippies...free love, the Woodstock coverage, flowers, and talk of peace. Impending Apocalypse, according to our preacher.

With regular frequency, my dad would want an ice cream cone and a car ride. My brothers and I piled into the back as we headed to Dairy Queen. Life was simple, black or white. Chocolate or vanilla? I chose vanilla.

The ritual never changed. Driving in random abandon, rippling fields stretched out for miles as we silently licked the cold sweetness in familial companionship, enjoying the scenery.

Apocalypse came. A lifetime sentence of a disabling diagnosis destroyed the life I had. Though not simple, it was black or white, exist or live. I chose to live.

Forty-plus years later, nightly news still drones on. Political dissension, racial issues, and more violent war images from another obscure country. The naked, mud-covered Woodstock hippies are now vocal opponents against homosexuality. We still talk about peace.

Impending Apocalypse? Right now, someone is devastated, receiving life-altering news, disabled or terminal.

With regular frequency, I enjoy eating out. Sharing desert with a friend, vanilla ice cream on a hot fudge brownie, we enjoy companionship. As flavors meld on my tongue, I am reminded of the sweet things in life, the blessings...the cherries on top.

"My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy the ice cream while it's on your plate." ~Thornton Wilder~

Copyright © 2009

National Day of Action for Chronic Pain

American Pain Foundation
A unified voice of hope and power over pain.

First Annual National Day of Action
Saturday, Sept. 26th, 2009

Along with several well-known disorders, many rare and difficult-to-diagnose disorders share the symptom of chronic pain. September is invisible illness awareness, but it is also the month for pain awareness.

Check out the American Pain Foundation's website to see what they have accomplished, their goals, and how you can help.

Invisible Illness Week

I am a little late in posting Invisible Illness Week. It is never too late to share the statistics of invisible illness, social misunderstanding, and how many of us with chronic or disabling illness do not "look sick."

A Little Help Gives A Lot Of Hope

A Good Line

"Too many girls follow the line of least resistance--but a good line is hard to resist." ~Mae West~

"Just breathe and focus." I tried to calm my heightened, in red-alert, barely contained SPS agoraphobic panic in the airport. My heavy carry-on, filled with all my Stiff Person meds, diabetic life support, and excess shoes, rolled behind me with a stabilizing balance in my left hand while my right hand synchronized my deliberate, slow steps with my cane.

Glassy marbled floors, vast ceilings, rolling walkways, rapidly moving crowds with occasional breaks of "not a soul in sight" morphed into massive perception overload. Boundaries of carpet, walls, and chairs were my navigational lines of least symptom resistance. Lines I could not resist.

Boarding the plane, a man noticed me with my cane. Obviously thinking 'fly the friendly skies,' he said, "I'll take care of that for you, Hon." I closed my eyes to his predatory stares during the flight...his lame line this middle-aged 'Hon' could easily resist. "Just breathe and ignore."

Copyright © 2009

Disabled Attitude - Choices

“The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances.” ~Viktor Frankl~



Disability determines many things in my life of which I have no control, but I still have choices.

Blame or Accountability?

Some blame God...sin. Some blame physicians. Others blame their circumstances on family, society, government, the dog. The reality is life just isn't fair. Fate is randomly cruel.

Accountability. I am still accountable for my behavior. Being disabled does not excuse treating others badly. Diagnosed with a chronic illness, I am responsible for learning about, knowing, and understanding my illness and medications.

Anger or Action?

Anger can be a conjoined twin with blame, spinning my tires in a destructive no-where, no-win destination of negativity.

Action is proactive optimism: redefining my life, utilizing my abilities, reaching upward, and moving forward.

Bitter or Better?

Bitterness is a cancer of the soul, a living death.

Better. Adversity has given me an insight, spiritual depth, and strength of character...heart. Trying to be better is a daily goal for me.

Victim or Victor?

"Poor me." Brutalizing a compromised life with mental shackles of impossible, can't, and won't; many wallow in a quagmire of self-defeat. Being a victim is cowardly, pathetic, and easy.

Victor. Accomplishment is in trying. Digging deep into one's gut to find a spark of something to live for, a victor will raise a broken and bruised spirit to face another day...with hope.

Pessimist or Optimist?

While my body is at the mercy of physical disability, I am still the master of my mind, my thoughts, my attitude. I choose to see possibilities and opportunities in living forward.

“I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” ~Jimmy Dean~

Copyright © 2009

45 Things To Remember

Having SPS has robbed me. I am disabled, a dependent on healthcare/medications, and have compromised mobility. While I understandably have my moments/days, SPS cannot control my thoughts unless I allow it. Disability has not robbed me of life, just altered it. ;)

I love the following list and wish to share it with you...steroids for the soul. ;)

==========

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland,
Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life
taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."


My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column
once more:


1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your
friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what
their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in
it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't
worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17.. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the
second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't
take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy
lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five
years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything
you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone
else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

==========

A beautiful slideshow of this list:

Time and Life

==========

I know some situations are sunami strength, but for those of us who can...carry an umbrella.

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

Hormonal, Hairy, Horny, & Hungry

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
- Rita Rudner


I woke up Saturday morning a little sweaty. Was I having a night sweat? It was morning, humid and in the 90s. How will I know? I keep waiting...for something; I mean nothing?

I have noticed a need for increased lip-waxing. I look like a teenage boy with peach fuzz and laugh lines. Sunday morning, I zipped my lip before applying lipstick, easier without doing a part.

Hungry...voraciously hungry for anything, everything. Chips, ice cream...chocolate! Milk, dark, white, I am not picky. Anything loaded with fat, carbs and sodium.

Feeling sensual and amorous, arousal smolders at the possibilities. Inwardly, I struggle with an internal debate, Would I rather make passionate love or savor buttered popcorn? Can one make love while eating popcorn?

Hormone spikes stimulate my appetites, but also create havoc with my blood sugars and SPS symptoms. Over the weekend, I woke in the middle of the night to a blood sugar plummet just to awaken to an unhealthy high in the morning, and hungry!

While my biological clock is chiming, "Party-down at high noon," hormonal power surges create additional symptom brownouts for my compromised mobility issues.

A wild weekend ride, but by Monday I was a happily grounded girl.

"It is sad to grow old, but nice to ripen." ~Brigitte Bardot~

Copyright © 2009

Mrs. Crabtree

"As I give thought to the matter, I find four causes for the apparent misery of old age: first, it withdraws us from active accomplishments; second, it renders the body less powerful; third, it deprives us of almost all forms of enjoyment; fourth, it stands not far from death." ~Cicero~

Since diagnosed with a chronic neurological disorder, Stiff Person Syndrome, I walk with a shuffled gait, am sometimes slow, or completely immobile. Watching the effortless movements of others, I feel envy.

I watch the slow, deliberate shuffle of the elderly and I feel a kinship. As physical limitations are difficult for me to accept, I think about the parallels of getting old and disability. Does one grieve their physical losses with age? My opening quotation could easily define disability from chronic illness.

At the nursing home today, I saw Mrs. Crabtree. Smiling a broad genuine smile from her wheelchair, she asked me if I had seen her latest painting on the easel. I promised her I would look at it when we left.

Listening to the gospel music with the residents, Mrs Crabtree decided to join us. Fascinated, I studied her through the program. Wearing a loud print floral dress, the hem skimmed her feet, encased in very large athletic shoes. The thin material molded her ample frame, revealing a missing left breast.

Focused on her project, she meticulously crocheted tight, neat squares of lavender and green, her contribution to a group-effort baby blanket. Putting the squares away, capable hands of a few seconds earlier shook with the effort of gathering up her supplies. Busy, always busy, and interested in something. Painting, magic marker art, crocheting, puzzles and always upbeat and happy from her wheelchair vantage and nursing home confinement...not to mention her physical ails.

Mrs. Crabtree still accomplishes, selling her paintings, enthusiastically pursing interests and activities. She still finds immeasurable enjoyment in life, in spite of her physical limitations and living on life's death row.

Unknowingly, she is an inspiration on how I can live with disability and chronic illness. I got to hug Mrs. Crabtree, checking out her latest painting as we left.

"None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm." ~Henry David Thoreau~

Copyright © 2009

The Spoon Theory

I look healthy. Invisible illness allows me to be a 'poser' of normalcy. The last few weeks have been a dizzying circuit of medical appointments, family visits, and time with friends. Dancing the dance of presumed health, I pay the fiddler. I guess it is like our national deficit, I keep borrowing from my future reserves until some days I collapse in bed from exhaustion.

I remember the days when I could outlast the Energizer Bunny.

A lady with a chronic illness shared this link on another support site. The truth of this piece clicked in my mind with the simple analogy used in describing chronic illness to someone.

I thought I would share.

The Spoon Theory

Antibacterial - Security Alert!

"You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there." ~Yogi Berra~

These few weeks are a personal tourist season, complete with my traveling entourage: SPS, diabetes, and what next? R & R is the brief 'recoup and repack' at home between travels.(travails?)

My latest trip, I was escorted aside for additional airline security checks, coming and going. The only threat I pose is to myself, but...

Going...Swine flu is debated, debunked, and detailed in news coverage with a running death count. Armed with a small bottle of antibacterial gel, an x-ray of my purse determines I am in need of closer scrutiny. Juggling my cane and shoes, I am taken aside to purse contents exploration and rummage through my carry-on. I am told to take the gel out of my purse..."the next time." Bath & Body Works is now a delicately-scented terrorist threat.

Coming home - Lesson learned. I remove my antibacterial gel from my purse to go solo into x-ray. My Levi rivets and insulin pump set off the alarm as I labor through the metal detector. "Female security needed," the attending male booms.

Once more, I am escorted to the side. Wanded and patted down, I am again cleared for take-off. As I unpack my checked luggage when I get home, I discover the cap of a new tube of body cream ripped off at the hinge. I envision unknown gloved hands going through my dirty laundry after mutilating my tube of Bath & Body Works Dancing Waters.

Next on the itinerary, a road trip to the Gulf to visit with friends...an island, white sand, food, and zero threat alert for my Dancing Waters.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire." ~Unknown~

Copyright © 2009

Packin' Heat

“Joe Fox: The Godfather answers all of life's questions. What to pack for a trip? "Leave the gun, take the cannolis."”

Packing for a trip. I remember pre "D" Day,(diagnosis), lipstick, deodorant, underwear, money, tickets, the essesntials...good to go! Impromptu equated to a five-minute preboard rush for an expresso craving to go.

Now...I make a list, check it twice, check it three times, and do a last minute carry-on search for essentials...my street-dealer supply of medications, syringes for my insulin, glucometer, insulin pump supplies, cell phone, medical contacts...oh, and my tickets.

Panic is squelched as I watch my black bag of life support go through x-ray security as I clutch my cane to steady wobbly legs for my off-with-my-shoes search, wondering if my insulin pump will trip the security alarm or my suspicious black carry-on will result in a 6:00 news special feature, Homeland Security dragging me off for interrogation.

I manage not to hold up the pressing line of impatient travelors as I slip my shoes on (No strings attached!) and grab my $5,000 street-value carry on...packing heat. Meandering at a comfortable snail pace to locate my gate, I board the plane, collapsing in relief in an aisle seat.

Unwrapping my carry-on cannoli, I pause as I take my first bite, "Did I pack underwear?"

Copyright © 2009

Fox & Reeve

“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.”
~Christopher Reeve~




"One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but cannot be taken away unless it is surrendered." ~Michael J. Fox~





I met Christopher Reeve and Michael J. Fox on 'big screen' dates with my son. Superman II had his four-year-old face flushed with super-hero excitement and mine with female appreciation of Reeve's crystal baby blues.

Pizza Hut and Back To The Future was another mutual date-night hit...Marty McFly, time travel fantasy mixed with action, comedy, and romance, topped with mushrooms and pepperoni.

I loved both of these actors, experiencing the thrill of the stories and characters they portrayed, a pretend world where good always overcomes evil. Fate dealt both actors a cruel blow...a tragic accident, a cruel diagnosis...indiscriminate reality.

Good may not always overcome evil, but attitude, purpose, and perseverance can. I watched both actors live as the heroic men they were/are...megastars of hope, encouragement, and courage. Living my own tragedy, I became a raving fan.

I listened to Reeve's candid interviews and future visions. With my SPS symptoms, I can relate to frozen immobility, understand a world with wheels. Some of my SPS pals need a chair. A picture of Christopher and his son are displayed by my computer...a reminder of what ONE can do 'in spite of' adversity.

Fox speaks about his progression of Parkinson's, the loss of mobility functions, and planning activities around medication peaks. I plan my day around my prescription windows of opportunity.

Both men inspire me with their candor, hope, and advocacy. Celebrity status has given both men a stage to showcase everyday heroes who live with physical or mental challenge, a spotlight on needed research for the dark world of disabling conditions.

Christoper Reeve's hope lives on through his foundation. Michael J. Fox has the largest Parkinson's nonprofit. Fox has an upcoming television special:

==========

Michael J. Fox: Adventures of an Incurable Optimist airs Thursday, May 7 on ABC.

“For everything this disease has taken, something with greater value has been given,” Fox says. “So, sure, it may be one step forward and two steps back, but after a time with Parkinson’s, I’ve learned that what is important is making that one step count.”

==========

““You've got to give more than you take.”
~Christopher Reeve~

"I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business."
~Michael J. Fox~

Copyright © 2009

Medicine Cabinet Secrets

"Forty is the age of youth; 50 is the youth of old age."
~Victor Hugo~

This morning it struck me...I can tell my age by the products I buy at the drugstore. Neatly arranged on the kitchen counter, where a cannister set would have decoratively perched in my twenties, was a step-down arrangement of Bene-fiber plus calcium, Centrum Silver, and Caltrate 600-D. Now my Sam's Club must-have-supply of Aleve has company.

A trip through the secrets of my bathroom supply closet reveal hair color, microwave lip wax, and 'mature' skin lotion. Retinol, collagen, SPF 30...does it really help or am I gullible?

For romantic inclinations, advertisements of KY tingle or heat promise to deliver youthful passion to midlife romance. I envision middle-aged women casing their local CVS during the daytime to locate Jiffy Lube romance. Later, under the cloak of closing-hour darkness, indiscreetly swiping a purchase of KY tingle or heat. Demise, giving the family something to ponder while sorting through personal effects.

I own a vibrating foot soaker, moist heating pad, and contoured neck pillow. "Jumping" out of bed to a no-pain morning is a distant memory with the beginning interruption of nocturnal bathroom calls.

The twisted irony...I still have one foot in the age of youth, assumed by my still-needed supply of feminine products. Hormone replacement is in my horizon, and then I can be an official Maxine entry-level recruit...Speak my mind without apology, already a natural.

"When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my 50s I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile."
~George Burns~

Copyright © 2009

Big Girls Don't Cry

“Discussion is an exchange of knowledge; an argument an exchange of ignorance.”
~Robert Quillen~

Misunderstanding, misperceptions...common social miscues outside of the disabled realm. I encounter misinformed and misguided, often, well-meaning people while I daily vie for the prized coping crown, wearing my practiced smile of Miss Congeniality to deter pity.

I continually learn how to cope, but I still have moments where I look back on years of living with the fallout of disability from my illness. My future still looms with an ominous uncertainty. It amazes me how others assume diagnosis longevity lessens my grief of loss? - especially from those who share my diagnosis.

An individual 'assumed' since I have had Stiff Person Syndrome for years vs. someone newly-diagnosed that I was beyond the 'coping' phase of initial diagnosis. (A big girl.) It was an unintelligent remark, not worthy a reply.

If anything, the years have deepened the pain of loss for me, not just my own, but shared through others...symptom progression and death of friends. Loss has also deepened my appreciation for life's blessings and strengthened my resolve to live forward, but sometimes, big girls do cry.

“There is no reply to the ignorant like keeping silence”
~Proverb quotes~




Copyright © 2009

How Does It Feel?

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure."
~Mark Twain~

Having a rare disorder, I became the albino monkey on display with my rare diagnosis at the University (teaching) hospital...elusive, alluring, a medical example for young neuros-in-training. I love to share my syndrome for the greater good, but sometimes...

Example one:

Redhead Fred, under the tutelage of my neuro maestro, is given a pop quiz involving me. I was to give him my symptoms but not share my diagnosis to see if he could figure it out.

I recited my medical history and gave him my symptoms. With the serious composure of a physician, he said, "It sounds like Stiff Person Syndrome." When I told him he was correct...

Youthful exuberance and professional respect for my suffering was forgotten as he pumped his arm in a victory punch, smiled, and exclaimed, "Yes!!" Instant bedside decorum mortified him into a subdued apology. Inwardly, I was amused. I understood. He aced the 'extra point' pop exam.

Example two:

I lost a child to a genetic neurological disorder. (There is no correlation between her illness and mine.) In another medical history recitation to another resident-in-training,' he asked me, "How does it feel to have two exotic illnesses in your family?"

Let me think hard on this...My daughter died and I am physically-challenged and disabled at 36...for life. How do I feel? Multiple choice or essay?

Obviously this guy skipped professional decorum, psyche 101, and jumped right into a 4.0 in Moronics...letter M on the white coat. Resident idiot of the year. How does it feel? Exotic?

NORD Rare Disease Day - February 28, 2009

Copyright © 2009

A Silent Scream

“Loneliness is the first thing which God's eye named, not good” ~John Milton~

The federal government defines a rare disease as one that afflicts fewer than 200,000 people. I have Stiff Person Syndrome, a rare neurological disorder, estimated to afflict approximately one in a million.

One of the hardest things in living with a rare and disabling condition, for me, was the isolation of trying to find others like me...comrades walking the walk with me...shared empathy, not sympathy. There aren't any national organizations/support groups specific for my disease, no social awareness, limited medical experience, and continual explaining my disorder...which is freakish and bizarre in symptom manifestation.

After six years of being "the only one," lost in the loneliness of my rare diagnosis, I found a small pocket of 'stiffs' on the Internet...opening my world to sharing experiences and feelings with others who understood by living in my isolated world.

My silent screams of loneliness became keyboard clicks of communication with others...a unity of understanding. Emails turned to phone conversations which turned into personal meetings...friendships.

I wrote in an email or my SPS journal, "I felt I was left in a dark abyss without a rope or candle." Loneliness can feed hopelessness.

A spouse of an afflicted SPS individual wrote to me to express appreciation for my website and a better understanding of the syndrome. I was cut to the heart as this individual shared the loneliness and misunderstanding of syndrome rarity drove their afflicted spouse to suicide. The pain of this loss is still deeply felt years later.

I grieve for this couple. I understand.

I committed to blog for NORD (National Organization of Rare Disorders) this month. My own physical situation, along with the hectic 'normalcies' of life have derailed my intentions. I hope to publicly share a few thoughts about living with a rare disorder. Awareness...a flicker of light into the darkness of loneliness, despair, and loss of hope.

NORD Rare Disease Day - February 28, 2009

Copyright © 2009

Determination In Action

"We will either find a way or make one." ~Hannibal~



"It was courage, faith, endurance and a dogged determination to surmount all obstacles that built this bridge." ~John J. Watson~

Better Life in 2009

(Words of wisdom from an email forward.)

Nothing else so inspires and heartens people as words of appreciation. You and I may soon forget the words of encouragement and appreciation that we utter now, but the person to whom we have spoken them may treasure them and repeat them to themselves over a lifetime.

Tips for a Better Life in 2009...

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to _________ today.'
5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2008.
7. Make time to practice meditation, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, OR issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed-out charge card.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the NEGATIVE BLUES away.
18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
26. Forgive everyone for everything.
27. What other people think of you is none of your business.
28. REMEMBER GOD heals everything.
29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
33. The best is yet to come.
34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
35. Do the right thing!
36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!)
37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for ________. Today I accomplished ________.
38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

Run For The Roses

"The Difficult is that which can be done immediately; the impossible that which takes a little longer." ~George Santayana~

Difficult and Impossible used to be just words to me before contracting my Stiff Person Syndrome and diabetes combo. Never did I associate these words with simplistic things like walking, putting on shoes, just standing. Difficult and Impossible have morphed into words I struggle to live by...Challenge and Overcome.

Dealing with a stratification of physical complications, I dislike the word "ill" as I do not perceive myself as sick. I have disabling conditions mystified by the rarity of SPS. Life is a daily challenge.

My last month has been an aggressive agenda for me, taxing strength and pushing limits. I have had a couple days of self-inflicted bed rest. I was thinking to myself, "Why don't you stop? This is insane."

The answer came to me as quickly as I asked myself the question; because the agenda was difficult, not impossible. Memory flashed a couple of pictures in my mind: laying immovable on the bathroom floor, completely rigid and in intense full-body spasm, and an incident of a torso-spasm precipitating a respiratory arrest, sinking to the kitchen floor in a blackout. In those situations, effort was impossible. Difficult is a struggling challenge.

I chose to run the race. Sweat, pounding of hooves, kicking up dust...the Kentucky Derby. Worthwhile effort is an accomplishment, a winner's circle moment for me...a "Run For The Roses."

Artist: Dan Fogelberg
Song: Run For The Roses

...And it's something unknown
That drives you and carries you home.

And it's run for the roses
As fast as you can
Your fate is delivered
Your moment's at hand

It's the chance of a lifetime
In a lifetime of chance
And it's high time you joined in the dance
It's high time you joined in the dance.

NORD is coordinating the observance of Rare Disease Day in the U.S. on February 28, 2009.

Copyright © 2009

Taking Stock - Life Exchange

Receiving my disabling diagnosis of Stiff Person Syndrome derailed my life. Every aspect of my life was drastically impacted, twisted, or destroyed. Improved health or stabilization, often, became my entire focus of living.

Overwhelmed, it was easy to lose sight of who I am and difficult knowing how to live life, exchanging my was to what is; 'Is' being a fathomless unknown filled with innumerable challenges.

For a quality of life, I had to take stock of me, mentally and emotionally exchange my 'was' for a hopeful and productive 'is'...choosing to live forward. Days, circumstances, or moments will still submerge me in feeling overwhelmed living in the deep end.

The following excerpt deals with financial issues, but I find it applicable for me during periods of attitude realignment, investments of me.

==========

Robert Ringer’s
Suggestions for Feeling Overwhelmed:

· Call time out and physically and mentally come to a complete stop.
· Step back and get a big picture perspective of the battlefield.
· Eliminate everything which isn’t crucial to achieving your most important objectives.
· Don’t try to do everything; just do something.
· BEGIN
· Concentrate exclusively on the project at hand.
· Sustain your movement at a comfortable pace.
· Don’t stop until you’re done.
· Than – and only then – move on to the next project.

These notes are from Robert Ringer’s 1988 audio program, Living Without Limits. Ringer is best known for his books in the 1970’s Winning Through Intimidation and Looking Out For Number One.

==========

A healthy portfolio is a balanced one. I invest some of my time and energies in sharing my challenges and experiences with others. It helps give meaning to my condition. I invest time in normal pursuits in life. I was guilty of past practices of heavily investing more into my disabled file, not emotionally productive. I invest in me.

Investments in my life need to be adjusted daily: trade-offs, sell-offs, new enterprises...in my NOW index.

“When you do nothing, you feel overwhelmed and powerless. But when you get involved, you feel the sense of hope and accomplishment that comes from knowing you are working to make things better.” ~Unknown~

NORD is coordinating the observance of Rare Disease Day in the U.S. on February 28, 2009.

Copyright © 2009

Bearded Lady

I may have a rare disorder and be tagged disabled, but I am still a normal woman. At the age of 51, things are still working, but I know my female engine has to be a quart low on estrogen. I don't have time for PMS as hormone fluctuations mess with my blood sugars and SPS symptoms. I also need to allow time for grooming middle-age peach fuzz.

I discovered a chin hair this week. Tweezers easily took care of the lone strand. I keep Andy Rooney eyebrows from sprouting, twin expressive caterpillars above my eyes.

I have been a willing participant in the masochistic ritual of lip waxing for years. When a five o'clock shadow becomes the "in" fashion for women, I will gladly part my mustache to apply lipstick. I have sported a few burns from overextending the hot melted wax over my lip line just to zip the brunette fuzz in a one-second ye-ow!

(A word of caution...do not spill melted wax in the microwave. It is hard to clean up when in a rush.)

A bald face can be more complicated than smooth legs...compliments of Venus razors and shaving cream. (Without SPS spasm and rigidity interruptions.)

Considering the rarity of my disability and the macabre fascination of a bearded lady...I will be easily recognized if I decide shaving and waxing are worth the trade-off for a showcase in Barnum & Bailey's Circus.

Look for me:



"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well as now."

-- P. T. Barnum, circus owner


Copyright © 2009

A Rare Bird - Pay to Share

Disability wears many guises: chronic illness, neurological disorders, mental challenges, loss of a limb or mobility. People can have compassion, but to truly understand, "Walk a mile in the shoes."

Add to this toxic mix a rare disorder diagnosis and understanding from the social network of medicine, people, or family is severely taxed. An explanation of the rarity of my diagnosis became a learned evasive and vague one-liner of general simplicity, or a detailed monologue expertly refined from repetitive recitation. Reactions vary from indifference, intrigued, melodramatic, or a blank stare.

I received my diagnosis of Stiff Person Syndrome in 1994, following four years of progressive symptoms of severity that led to disability...a life sentence since there isn't a cure. Stiff Person Syndrome, (SPS), was known as Stiffman Syndrome when I received my diagnosis...a frivolous name for a possible life-threatening, definitely life-altering diagnosis.

So began my SPS tour: appearing at various medical facilities for all my health issues, a team of personal care physicians, continual clueless consumer representative phone calls, lab tests...the list goes on...my time and my dime.

So often, I am the prize albino monkey on display at the medical zoo. I welcome the opportunity to explain my condition...the "rare" find. I have had some interesting reactions in teaching my one-on-one course to the "up and coming" residents of the medical community.

My diagnostic neurologist left me alone with one his proteges to see if this young doctor could correctly figure out my diagnosis. When he actually nailed it, in a burst of exuberance, he smiled broadly with an emphatic, "Yes!" (Aced the extra bonus question on a pop quiz.) Inwardly, I was amused as he quickly recomposed his physician's professional demeanor.

I lost one child to a recessive genetic disorder, Spinal Muscular Atrophy. To date, there isn't a genetic relationship between SPS and SMA. One young resident sincerely asked a blonde moment question, "How does it feel to have two exotic illnesses in your family?"

Well, let me think about this. My child died and I can't walk, move well, am in constant pain, and am disabled. Exotic? My imagination conjures up a tropical and secluded beach overlooking turquoise waters...the ability to run in the surf holding my child's hand as she runs along with me.

My second neurologist enjoyed having the occasional resident in attendance whenever I had an appointment. In educating the young-doctor-in-waiting, I was the rare exotic bird of neurology in his practice...the elusive diagnosis.

It is a positive to be able to share and hopefully enlighten the medical community and others about my condition, but I am the one who should be paid.

Stiff Person Syndrome...one of the rare and "exotic" birds diagnoses of the neurology field.

“But those rare souls whose spirit gets magically into the hearts of men, leave behind them something more real and warmly personal than bodily presence, an ineffable and eternal thing. It is everlasting life touching us as something more than a vague, recondite concept. The sound of a great name dies like an echo; the splendor of fame fades into nothing; but the grace of a fine spirit pervades the places through which it has passed, like the haunting loveliness of mignonette.”

~James Thurber~



NORD is coordinating the observance of Rare Disease Day in the U.S. on February 28, 2009.

Copyright © 2009

All aboard - 2009

A new year. Always a pivotal time where regrets are relived, outlooks revived, dreams resurface, and resolutions are kept promises to oneself until February, from my experience.

December is a blur of several doctor appointments, delayed infusion script, a bout of flu, and oral surgery, along with my regular "issues." A new health issue surfaced...a severe vitamin D deficit requiring a bailout of prescription-strength mega D for two months, hopefully to avoid a future bone breaking calcium absorption depression.

Though sometimes down for the count, I still enjoyed a festive holiday, trimmed a tree, did some baking, made a ham dinner, and shared in some fun Christmas celebrations. Shopping was navigated as Nascar racing,(aka a Christmas mall racetrack), before I discovered the wonder of Internet gift certificates. Next year's Christmas shopping...one of my 2009 resolutions...will be dressed in festive PJs, sipping flavored coffee, and casual online surfing for the "right gift" for those on my list.

January 1st was a quick gasp of air before I jumped on the 2009 train of normal life frenzy in the chronic illness coach. I would hang on to my heat, but I lost it a long time ago. 2009 looks to be an aggressive ride, a challenging destination in mind while my Chronic Raiders are in relentless pursuit. "Eat my dust." Me or the Raiders?

I am deeply grateful for my blessings of 2008 and eagerly look forward to life and the opportunities of 2009. All Aboard!

“The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul” ~G. K. Chesterson~

Copyright © 2009