"My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section."
~Norm Crosby quotes
SPSU, Stiff Person Syndrome University, is equivalent to Harvard graduate school if diagnosis was classified as a medical "School of Hard Knocks." I won a full scholarship with my very high antibody score and impressive EMG results. My final clinical evaluation cinched acceptance.
There are a few fine print guarantees:
1) Graduation upon death, but with highest honors.
2) Lifetime member of the SPSU sorority, Delete Yo *Gamma, DYO.
3) 24-hour homework every day.
4) Year-round finals and labs.
This year, my labs were my year-end finals. Back-to-back, different tests, several different docs, some new courses--my stack of test results and orders got thicker with each week. Anemic by my last blood workup, the tech sported a DNA splattered "Got Blood" shirt, smiling at me with pointed eyeteeth. I was delirious from all the cramming and lack of blood-flow to the brain.
All of my results are in. I aced most of my tests, registering in the coveted and prestigious "normal" range or close. With SPS, physical mediocrity is a coveted Dean's Award of healthy. I lost privileges to the SPSU Christmas bonfire, but I have enough scars from previous scorchers.
I am on a coveted Christmas break until the first of January, when classes resume...
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam." ~George Carlin
Copyright © 2011
*GABA is an acronym for gamma-Aminobutyric acid, the chief inhibitory neurotransmitter in the central nervous system. My body's braking system derailed with a demented mind of its own with Stiff Person Syndrome. Girl gone wild without spring break?
