"Oh the pain, the pain." Dr. Smith
Lost In Space (1965-1968)
How to describe triggers for my symptom flares for SPS, (Stiff Person Syndrome). SPS is as sensitive to everything/anything as an anemic first-day menstruating female vampire, after a month-long starvation diet, during a full moon on crack--craving blood--mine!
This week, my SPS trigger was weather. Nothing drastic, just a slight drop in temperature and my body rebelled in symptomatic pain. Not quite the sharp stabbing kind, but the continual throb of an at the barely endurable ache of my back muscles, neck, and shoulder joints. Movement was more labored, but was a doable compared to the continual water drip torture type throbbing.
Lounged in my pajamas for the day, laid on my warm electric blanket, moved to the recliner, & tossed Aleve like breath mints. My thoughts and prayers went to those whose experiences were relentless acute pain without relief from prescription pain meds, feeling some gratitude with my temporary discomfort--I hoped.
I had two rough days, a day of letting up, and today is a residual of earlier in the week. I am grateful.
Recently I watched Forrest Gump again. The scene where Forrest and Jenny are married, holding hands and walking comes to mind. In looking at the ugliness of her childhood home, memories of the abuse she endured there manifest in anger as she picks up rocks and repeatedly throws them at the house to collapse in tears on the dirt path in emotional pain.
My house of abuse would be SPS, ugly, dilapidated, the destruction of my physical health. At times I get angry; I cry; and I cope. I throw meds down my throat, as prescribed, in an effort to subdue SPS symptoms. As with Jenny, throwing rocks is just a temporary solution. Daily I work on coping, but there are days...
"I guess sometime there just aren't enough rocks." ~Forrest Gump
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