Disability comes in many guises, some easily discernible, others subtle, and some hidden...all with physical challenges and emotional battles. Tragic and unexpected.
For some, it is a freakish accident; while others slowly erode to a "D-Day," diagnosis day, the life-altering prognosis of disabling loss of health. I was a D-Day casualty. The first punch of my doctor's pronouncement was a world-stopping moment for me, followed by fear, tears, prayerful pleas, the surreal "not me." Reality settled in. I not only lost my health and physical abilities, but me, my sense of me.
A great deal of how I defined me was what I could do; what I did. Who was I now? What was I? What could I possibly be? It was bizarre to mourn the loss of me. Even now I think of my life as "before," "then," "after," and "now."
"Before" remembers, with a longing nostalgia, my "normal" life with unencumbered movement, carefree thought, my pain free body, and a promising future. "Then" was my soul-sucking verdict, condemning me to life with SPS and diabetes, no parole for good behavior. I suffered in mental solitary for a time, sorting it all out, trying to rediscover me.
"After" was coming to grips with my reality, choosing my path, and finding me. I chose to live positively, grab everything life had to offer within the limitations I had. I realized I never really lost me, just mechanical ability.
"Now," I have evolved in ways I would never have imagined, discovering lost or hidden aspects of me and creating new ones. I discovered a strength I did not know I had, with the occasional meltdown. Determination and imagination have given me insight to a meaningful life, and with that...
A promising future. I do not know what tomorrow may bring; but I embrace hope, push my limits, and am learning to fly, without wings.
“When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly”
~Patrick Overton~
Copyright © 2008
