Exploitation - Freak Show Mentality

"They won’t come to learn, only to stare. I’ll be a freak in a sideshow: Lazarus the Second! Fifty cents to look, a dollar to touch."

--Karl Brown (1897–1990), U.S. screenwriter, and Nick Grindé. Dr. Henryk Savaard (Boris Karloff), The Man They Could Not Hang, to his assistant, who suggests that Dr. Savaard go public with his own successful resurrection (1939).


I was in high school. Cathy was in my class. She had the misfortune of being obese. She kept to herself, never bothered anyone. Maybe silence would buy her anonymity, obscurity, peace. She had a small group of friends, social outcasts from all the “other” groups; i.e., the popular crowd, the partiers, the hoods, and the nerds.

I socialized in every circle, finding treasures in every clique’. Winnie, Cindy, and Melanie were the most outgoing of this misfit group. Always, Cathy was silent. She honored me with the exchange of our senior pictures. The photographer had placed Cathy behind a tree, just her pretty face visible in the v split of the trunk. Imperfection, Cathy's weight, was strategically hidden.

I sat in the bleachers as the announcements were made for the “top ten” girls from each class for homecoming queen and court during a school assembly. I was mortified when Cathy’s name was announced. The jeering, laughter, and mockery, from a large sector of boys in my class, (Perpetrators of the stacked vote.), echoed in the gym gathering momentum from others. Cathy had to step forward and stand with the other girls on the gymnasium floor. I wanted to weep at the cruelty.

Cathy’s smile was my first real experience of self-exploitation used as a cover for one’s loneliness at the majority’s ignorance. Avoidance. A smile is a great disguise to cover inner pain. “If you can’t beat them, join them.”

I have joined the realms of a label – disabled. Living with the challenges of my neurological disorder, I have a shared empathy for all challenged individuals. I understand questioning stares, averted glances, and live with the desire to be simply “normal.” I have learned about ignorance, lack of compassion, or sideshow mentality from the spotlight glare of center stage.

Loneliness is an equalizing disability that can affect any individual; often intensified by a physical or mental disability. Social acceptability is based on youth, ability, looks, and sexuality. It is difficult to live up to social standards from the confines of a wheelchair, a labored gait, or wheezing breath.

I was looking at a website for handicapped individuals. I was impressed with the veneer – a forum for physically challenged individuals to meet one another. I looked deeper. I was terribly saddened at my original perception of this site.

The “informative” links were riddled with pornographic websites featuring various disabilities. If people are going to stare, one might as well make the best of it by getting paid for the stares...self-exploitation of choice.

The “altruistic” tone of the website was hypocritical. Money was the motive. People exploited their disabilities, in this situation with pornography, for pay. In turn, those who did the showcasing pocketed a profit under the sugar coating of “10% of the profits go to charity.” The content of this website did not promote understanding. It thrived on the morbid fascination of the 10-cent thrill, freak-peek tent show mentality of years ago.

Some frat brothers at a keg party, “Hey, Smitty, log on to that amputee porn site again. Who has a credit card? Wait ‘til you guys see this!” (Drunken howls in the background.)

Somewhere, the legless lady retrieves a check from her mailbox, the website owner is whistling over the profit in the checkbook, and Cathy remembers.

“I am not an animal! I am a human being! I...am...a man! “
From the film, The Elephant Man


A POEM OFTEN QUOTED BY JOHN MERRICK

Tis true my form is something odd.
But blaming me is blaming God;
Could I create myself anew,
I would not fail in pleasing you.
If I could reach from pole to pole,
Or grasp the ocean with a span,
I would be measured by the soul,
The mind's the standard of the man.

(This poem was used by John Merrick in a pamphlet accompanying his freak show, and later when he wrote to thank people for their generosity in caring for him)



Copyright © 2008

Acronyms For $1,000.00

Acronyms, a language in itself - our fast-track way of of shortening long words or phrases into condensed, easy to remember letters - silent relief from the spelling bee-challenged. (SBC?)

Computers: URL,ISP,DSL,IE...
Organizations: We have the DNC, RNC, AARP, EEOC, AWU, NRA...
Communications: ASAP, FYI, LOL, BTW, SOS, and so on.

Then comes medical lingo, quite simply, a serious diagnosis, (dx) is round one 'jeopardy.' If your dx has an acronym, you are in double 'jeopardy:' RA, MS, SPS, ALS, CIDP, MD...a final round, lifetime contestant...guaranteed. The qualifying round to be an acronym 'jeopardy' contestant requires extensive dx acronym pretesting: EKG, MRI, EKG, CAT or PET scans. Experience has taught me any test with an acronym will not be pleasant and financially costly.

I have IDDM with SPS. My SPS was diagnosed with an EMG and a GAD-antibody test for compromised GABA. I also had a lumbar puncture to test my CSF. PT is out for me, but I have several RX scripts that help relieve my symptoms, one PRN, another BID, and the last, TID. I receive IVIg from an RN every five weeks, ordered by my MD, an acronym coach.

Alec, I will take acronyms for $1,000.00, please. SOL - What is xxxx out of luck.

I love the promise of simple, one-syllable words like faith, hope, and love.

"Now abideth, faith, hope, and love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
~I Corinthians 13:13~

Copyright © 2008

An Oak Without Limbs

"Fall seven times, stand up eight." ~Japanese Proverb~

Nick is not only a great inspiration to me, from my woman's perspective, he is a hunk. He is witty, fun, a motivational speaker, real estate developer, and he was born without arms or legs. His example encourages me to see beyond my own disabilities to reach my potential. Dream it, believe it, then do it.

Check out these other youtube videos about this extraordinary young man.

Nick Vujicic - Life Without Limbs

Nick Vujicic, No Arms, No Legs, No Worries! Part 1 of 3

Nick Vujicic, No Arms, No Legs, No Worries! Part 2 of 3

Nick Vujicic, No Arms, No Legs, No Worries! Part 3


“Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.”
~Charles M. Schultz~

Learning To Fly

Disability comes in many guises, some easily discernible, others subtle, and some hidden...all with physical challenges and emotional battles. Tragic and unexpected.

For some, it is a freakish accident; while others slowly erode to a "D-Day," diagnosis day, the life-altering prognosis of disabling loss of health. I was a D-Day casualty. The first punch of my doctor's pronouncement was a world-stopping moment for me, followed by fear, tears, prayerful pleas, the surreal "not me." Reality settled in. I not only lost my health and physical abilities, but me, my sense of me.

A great deal of how I defined me was what I could do; what I did. Who was I now? What was I? What could I possibly be? It was bizarre to mourn the loss of me. Even now I think of my life as "before," "then," "after," and "now."

"Before" remembers, with a longing nostalgia, my "normal" life with unencumbered movement, carefree thought, my pain free body, and a promising future. "Then" was my soul-sucking verdict, condemning me to life with SPS and diabetes, no parole for good behavior. I suffered in mental solitary for a time, sorting it all out, trying to rediscover me.

"After" was coming to grips with my reality, choosing my path, and finding me. I chose to live positively, grab everything life had to offer within the limitations I had. I realized I never really lost me, just mechanical ability.

"Now," I have evolved in ways I would never have imagined, discovering lost or hidden aspects of me and creating new ones. I discovered a strength I did not know I had, with the occasional meltdown. Determination and imagination have given me insight to a meaningful life, and with that...

A promising future. I do not know what tomorrow may bring; but I embrace hope, push my limits, and am learning to fly, without wings.

“When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly”
~Patrick Overton~



Copyright © 2008