Stress Rehearsal

“Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it."
~ Jane Wagner

“There cannot be a stressful crisis next week. My schedule is already full."
~ Henry Kissinger

'They' (Whoever they are?) say "stress will kill you." SPS unleashes a maniacal stress Trojan into my neuroinhibitory modem. Norton, aka modern medicine, does not have a fix, just temporary patches, for this destructive worm.

If I were dealing with 'normal' stress like a death, over-seeing homeland security, or "Do these jeans make my butt look fat?"...life would be less complicated, maybe more tolerable. SPS stress has an ADHD antibody doing an overdrive on my emotions and perceptions over a carpet wrinkle, a sense of hurry, or unfamiliar territory...everyday simple compounded with serious reality...overstressed for the occasion of healthy and happy living.

I think I am de-stressing my life, but things keep piling up like a worst case episode on Hoarders, cluttering my senses, thinking, and derailing my quality of life. I let too much 'can-be-eliminated' accumulate, a never-ending stress rehearsal.

Once again, I evaluate me and call in my stress-buster S.W.A.T. team to be a cheering audience as I perform a Gypsy Rose Lee striptease to a parody of Let Me Entertain You.

(Take the stress off - take it all off...)

Let me entertain me
Let me make me smile
Let me do a few tricks
Some old and some new tricks
I'm very versatile

And if I'm real good
I'll make me feel good
I want my spirits to climb...



Copyright © 2010

Where Do I Go?

"It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts." ~K.T. Jong

I am so angry and furious...with me. SPS is a fence that creates a physical boundary. I make promises to myself about moving forward, but find myself running around in my enclosure yapping without purpose to the world outside of the fence. It is so easy to drown in the comfort of familiarity, life's roles of wife, mother, child, or patient.

I have been relatively quiet lately, pondering my life (again), and coming to the conclusion I have neglected me immersed in my roles, misguided sense of duty, and just plain laziness.

I have been going to a gym for a few months, dusting off some old sneakers while I creak, groan, and sweat in pathetic moves, but in a jubilant triumph of "doing." It feels good. ;) Now, to explore the world outside of the comfort of family and home. It is a course I keep taking over and over again...guts and fortitude.

I am tired of being a medical chart number, known by the formal "Debra" on my birth certificate instead of the friendly "Deb" or "Debbie," my identity before SPS. It is time to silence my daily yapping at the outside world and listen to the whisperings of my heart. I may find a gate. ;)

Copyright © 2010